Koreans Keep It Real

Koreans believe in Real Talk.

Let me explain. No, wait, first, I should define Real Talk.

Or, as many know it from the Chapelle Show, "Keepin' It Real."

Chappelle's Show
When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong - Brenda Johnson
www.comedycentral.com
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Now, let me explain.

This week in summer camp, I've been teaching a class about describing appearances. I have a powerpoint slide devoted to "things you should not tell your friends." 

Because in Korea, you can tell friends things like "you're hair looks bad today," or "you look fatter recently." In fact, this is considered a sign of closeness - you are being a good friend to inform your friend of these things.

It seems like, in Korea, everything is out there to be commented on. If you're ugly, fat, stupid, whatever, you know it  from a young age. Of course, this applies to positive attributes as well. For instance, I asked a girl to introduce herself for her speaking test. She said "My name is Seo-Young, I am in first grade and I am very pretty." 

I have yet to decide what I think of this cultural difference. On the one hand, it's sort of sad to watch girls and boys define themselves as ugly or pretty from a young age and act accordingly. (Most of the pretty girls are more interested in boys than schoolwork - then again, perhaps that's not so different from middle schoolers at home). On the other hand, maybe a little more Real Talk about weight in the U.S. would be a Good Thing.

Useful Korean

I got into a conversation with friends recently about Korean insults. So, after some digging, here's what I found.

Obviously, Koreans have all the normal insults...

Bastard!
호로 새끼!

Bitch!
개 같은 년!

You motherfucker!
니미 씹할 놈!

Shut up!
입 닥쳐!

Fuck / Damn!
씨발!

What are you staring at?
뭘 쳐다 봐?


And then they have some more interesting ones...

You're a dirty man/woman.
더러운 새끼 / 년

Why don't you go somewhere and die!
어디 가서 뒈져 버려!

Go home and masturbate!
집에 가서 딸딸이나 쳐!

I'll kick your penis! (used like "Fuck off!")
좆까!

You look like a penis!
좆 같은 놈! (to a man)
좆 같은 년! (to a woman)

Go drink your mother's breast milk and then come back!
가서 엄마 젖이나 더 먹고 와!


It's exciting to look this up, as reading over them, I can understand most of them. Yeah, Korean classes are paying off!


And to balance out the swear words, here are some things to say to people when you really like them...

You have a beautiful body.
넌 몸매가 예뻐.

Do you wanna sleep with me?
나랑 자고 싶어?

Take your clothes off!
옷 벗어 봐!

Touch me!
나 만져 줘!

If you don't wear a condom, I won't do it!
콘돔 안 쓰면, 안 할꺼야!

I'm coming, I'm coming!
나온다, 나온다! (for men)
오를 거 같애! (for women)

I came.
나 쌌어. (for men.)
나 올랐어. (for women.)

I have a girlfriend/boyfriend.
나 여자친구 / 남자친구 있어.

FIGHTING!!

For the next two weeks, I'm giving speaking tests in my classes. So, basically, I have one-on-one short conversations with students.

While some surprise me with their conversational ability ("Wait, you lived in Canada for 3 years? And you never thought to speak up the past 4 months??"), others... fall below expectations.

For instance, one conversation I had with a student:

Me: I get bad grades. What should I do?

Student: ...
Student: ...
Student: FIGHTING!!"

I should explain here that this student did not mean, 'fight someone!' or 'bad grades make me so angry, let's fight!'

"Fighting!" is a Konglish word that means "You can do it!" or "chin up!" It's everywhere.

Like on this mug I bought at Daiso.

For those rough mornings.

Of this World Cup Shirt from Babo.

The t-shirt says "Pa-i-ting" which is the closest you can get to "Fighting" in hangul.

In fact, 'fighting!' is such a popular phrase, it's even frequently used by foreigners here. For example, this facebook conversation:

Brooke wrote: 
Hope your face isn't still paralyzed from that Moroccan sandwich. Sorry, friend.

Kara wrote:
no worries I have made a full recovery! Even my eyebrow is back to normal. It was touch and go there for a while, but I made it through. FIGHTING!

So, FIGHTING! students! Do your best!

Don't Use Your Cell Phone, Don't be a Slut

The 3rd graders (8th graders in America) at my school have done an art project and now all their posters are hanging up around the school. It's pretty cute, though I feel a little bad that, of all the things the art teacher could have given them to make paintings of, she chose school rules.

However, this was very educational for me! Until this point, I wasn't really sure what the school rules were. Now, I can give you well-informed guesses!

 

Don't look like some foreign ho?

Actually, it says "we are students." I assume this means, given that we are students, don't dye or perm your hair, wear contacts or make-up. Because we are here to learn, so you don't need to look good doing it?

Don't be a bitch?

But, seriously, don't be.

Don't watch people dying on your computer?

The text in the center picture means "today, how many people?" I get the sense that some students did not follow the exact guidelines of the assignment. Good on them.

Don't be fat?

No, I'm just playin'. It actually says "wear your name tag!"

Have self esteem?

Actually, I think this is pretty much what is says. The best translation I could do was "Do you like what you see? Your appearance." I'm not sure how this is a school rule, though...

????????

The text translates to "Would the pretty princess still have been admitted?" I feel I am losing something in translation. Or, this student has made an interesting social commentary about beauty and the false equality of the Korean school system.

But, the point is, my students are adorable. Except Tuesday 5th period. I will break your recorders ON you next time you play in my class.

You're Doing It Wrong

Recently, I watched the Korean movie, 200 Pounds Beauty. The story focuses on Hanna, an obese, ugly woman, who is frustrated and demoralized about her life. She has a beautiful voice and is secretly the actual voice behind a popular Korean singer. However, her looks humiliate her and keep her from ever gaining celebrity herself. So, she decides to undergo full-body plastic surgery. A year later, she reappears as 'Jenny,' a beautiful, slim and 'natural' beauty. Suddenly, her life is perfect - she receives kindness and help from strangers, is on her way to becoming a popular new star and the man she was in love with returns her feelings.

Too bad, while Hanna is morbidly obese by Korean standards, she's actually...not that abnormal by American ones.

The plot of this movie is so...Korean. Sure, overweight, unattractive people being treated poorly, and the make-over story that often accompanies it are common themes everywhere - Sabrina, Clueless, Shallow Hal, and on and on. But, there are very few countries that would use plastic surgery as the make-over device. The movie's ending tries to point out the negatives of what Hanna has done, but she still reaps the rewards from it. Ultimately, the movie still tacitly approves of plastic surgery.

How can we not feel a little better about plastic surgery after staring at Kim A-Jung's pretty, pretty face for 90 minutes?

But actually, that moral debate doesn't interest me very much. I just thought it was an interesting look into the attitude of Koreans toward plastic surgery.

The line echoed throughout the film is "It's okay, as long as it's not my girl." During the film, Hanna and her best friend discuss how all men feel the same - they could understand why some women would get it done, but couldn't accept it in the person they were dating. Yet, obviously, this is not reality, considering that 76% of Korean women in their 20s and 30s  have had cosmetic surgery (from Ask a Korean!).

Maybe the reality is that Korean men and women have an unspoken agreement. Men will gloss over the plastic surgery and women will gloss over the sleeping with prostitutes.

(Prostitution is sadly, extremely common here. Wikipedia tells me it is estimated to be a $13 billion dollar industry...and that doesn't sound surprising at all...).

Oh, Jon Hamm, you're so dreamy.

I'm also reminded of the 30 Rock episode "The Bubble." Jon Hamm guest stars as Liz's boyfriend, who is so attractive that the world just bends to his needs. This is mirrored in 200 Pounds Beauty. While Hanna is treated poorly, Jenny's life is perfect. She rear-ends a taxi and the the cab driver starts apologizing. A policeman gets involved and immediately offers to set her up with a good mechanic. The attractiveness bubble fixes all of her problems.

I hear some foreign guys talk about this, too. Essentially, they say, being in Korea is like being a hot girl. Or, what they seem to imagine life is like for hot girls - People want to help you, things work out for you, life is just...easier. I believe people who are more attractive are probably treated better but I feel skeptical of such significant differences. If this were really true, there wouldn't be so many beautiful waitresses in Los Angeles.

Men may want to think that hot girls are treated better, and they are now enjoying an 'only fair' reversal of fortune. But this seems like crap to me. I don't think attractiveness is that much of a factor - the important thing is knowing how to use what you have.

Korea, I Love You When You're in Love

Spring is finally springing here and I've realized that in Korea, this is my favorite season. Why?

COUPLES OUTFITS.

"Couples outfits?" You may wonder, thinking of corny Halloween costumes or couples that color coordinate their polo shirts.

In Korea, couples outfits are so much more than that. And spring, when love is in the air, is the perfect time to break them out and show the world how much you love each other.

Matching T-shirts!

Matching shoes!

Entire matching outfits! Completed with ridiculous dressed-up dog!!

It's interesting how different the attitude is here. In the west, the automatic thought when seeing couples dressing alike is 'wow, that guy has no balls.' However, in Korea, it's just considered sort of cute and funny. (Or a lot more Korean guys are just ball-less. But, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.)

And a few more of my favorites...

Brilliant! Who is going to hit on your girlfriend/boyfriend if they're wearing this?

The 80's vomited. 

Oh, jeez, how stupid is- oh, oh wait...well, I feel sheepish.

So, have any couples outfit photos to share?

Potato Fever

Since I've been single, I seem to get approached my Korean guys a lot more. Girls joke that most of the white guys here have 'yellow fever,' but apparently there is a corollary to this in Korean culture. When Koreans have a preference for white people, they call it having 'potato fever.'

Like this?

I admit, I'm less than thrilled at the association. But, considering the term 'yellow fever' is also pretty inaccurate, I guess I can't really complain. 

Diversity in Korea

It's interesting to talk to my students about Korea and diversity. Like the student project contrasting Korea and Western countries in my last post, most seem to have a pretty skewed perception of what America is like. I think the idea of a 'melting pot' (or 'salad bowl' to go with the more current metaphor) is not something they have any frame of reference for. Likewise, even after living here and being surrounded by Koreans every day, it's hard for me, as an American, to conceive of a nation of people in which everyone has the same history and cultural traditions.

Recently, the New York Times posted an article on the increasing number of mixed ethnicity children in Korea. Interesting read.

Peppero!

I'm very late in posting this, but November 11th was Peppero Day here in Korea. What is Peppero?

This is peppero. 

Peppero may look familiar to you if you are a fan of this Japanese snack.

Mmm. Pocky.

On Peppero Day, kids give each other boxes of Peppero, a little like Valentine's Day. It probably says something about the market domination of Lotte, the company that makes Peppero, that they've manufactured a holiday for their snack. It's on November 11th because of the date - 11/11 looks like Peppero sticks.

I got five boxes - I love this holiday.

Snakes, Pigs and Male Virility

Korean schools have school festivals a few times a year, where the entire school decorates, kids compete in games and show off their various non-academic talents. They usually look something like this:
This is not my school but you get the idea.

My co-teacher had mentioned a few weeks ago that our school festival was coming up and asked if I wanted to perform. I chuckled heartily to myself and set her straight on the facts. The facts being:
a). I don't even sing in the shower, much less in public (usually - thanks for the emotional scarring from that one night, Eric), and
b). people tell me that while dancing I am dangerous to wander near as one of my awkwardly flailing arms might sock them in the face.

Maybe I should have explained all this at the time but I just went with "haha, no."

This past Monday, the week of the festival, my co-teacher approached me and said "you need to end your after school class early today."

"Why?" I asked, thinking I was going to score some extra lesson planning time.

"We have festival dance rehearsal after school."

"What? That's a bad idea. I can't do that," I told her.

"I think you, uh" she hesitated, as if trying to find the right word, "you must do it. You must do it."

And what song and dance were we practicing? Well, I just happen to have this music video.



As my fellow teachers/dancers explained (or from what I understood, anyway) the song is about a girl who finds a bunch of snakes. Koreans traditionally believe that eating snake will increase a man's stamina and virility. So, the girl sings that she will take them home to her father and he will be so happy.

Since the band, Kara, wears school uniforms in the dance, the other teachers thought we could all just wear some old student school uniforms left by graduates. I love my school.

In all seriousness, though, I wasn't at all sold on performing, even after I saw the music video. But if I get to wear a cute school uniform, hells yeah, I'll dance and sing my ass off.

(This last comment may have sounded creepy. Please understand, getting to wear a school uniform was a childhood dream of mine.)

Oh, Sailormoon brainwashing.

(I'm not sure that explanation made me come off as less creepy...)


Anyway, just when I was really beginning to get into it (I'd finally memorized the opening lines I was supposed to sing!), they cancelled the festival because a few kids are sick. Swine flu, you ruin everything.

Seon Yoo and a Korean Wedding

On Saturday, I took Eric to Seonyoodo, the island park I visited with some teachers from my school. I thought it would be nice to see it in daylight.

The island has a very pretty park with lower and upper levels.

Eric liked the playground a lot. I think he might have scared the Korean kids though.

We ate lunch in the cafe there that looks out over the Han River.

The principal of my school invited me to his daughter's wedding so Eric and I attended it together with some of the other teachers from my school.
Unlike in the west, Korean weddings are built for speed. The wedding ceremony lasts about 20 minutes and happens in the banquet hall so guests can start eating immediately after. Also, instead of buying something from a couple's registry with a Hallmark card, the standard wedding present is an envelope full of money with your name on it. I enjoy the efficiency. Or, maybe this just shows how much I hate finding cards.

Here is Kyeong and the head English teacher of our school, Ms. Kim (Kyeong is also a Ms. Kim; it's a common name here).

Eric was very excited about wearing his suit. Everyone said he looked very handsome. Two of my male co-workers were joking I should watch out since all three of Eric's co-teachers are women in their 20s. Hah.

God is Having a Good Time

After our school hike, we came back down and went to dinner at a grill restaurant. At grill restaurants they give you a big platter of meat and you get to cook it yourself at your table. There are lots of different types in Korea - this one specialized in pork so we had ham and samgyeopsal.
This is samgyeopsal - thick-slab bacon. It's not my favorite.

There were about 20 toasts during dinner. I'm not sure if we were actually celebrating anything in particular. Yeong Deuk was explaining that in Korea, people don't drink alone. So, there are lots of toasts so everyone drinks together, which fosters group belonging and harmony. That said, we drank a lot of mokolri and soju.

There are many Korean drinking customs. You leave your cup half full when you don't want more to drink because when your cup is empty, another person must refill it. It is considered rude to refill your own cup or to pour or accept alcohol with only one hand. And once two people have poured for each other, they have a toast and drink together. However, these rules are flexible. Especially as people drink more, it seems. After I was about four drinks in, Mr. Shin refilled my quarter-full cup and said "welcome to Korea."

It was funny to see about three quarters of the teaching staff stumbling out of the restaurant.

There was an after-party at a pub in Yeongdeungpo. Everyone was invited but I think there is a tacit understanding that only men go. And me, because I am a novelty. I'm told there is always an afterparty in Korea. You must accept the invitation, then quiety slip away during the trip to the second party if you don't want to go. But since I am tall, blonde and foreign, it is hard to quietly slip away. I dragged Kyeong along with me, though, to avoid complete awkwardness.

So, me, Kyeong and at least half the of the male teaching staff had some beers. They told me they actually have a name for their little club. They call it the Silver Bells. They told me this is an underwear brand in Korea (then, of course, asked what brand of underwear I was wearing).

After about an hour, my principal decided I must see Seonyu Island, and I must see it tonight. There is also a tacit understanding that you cannot refuse the principal. So, me, Kyeong, the principal, and two other teachers went to Seonyoo Island.
Here is us on the island. Awkward.

We went to a cafe on the island and ate Patbingsu.
Patbingsu is shaved ice topped with sweetened red bean paste, candied rice cakes and fruit. It might sound a little strange but I really enjoy it.

While we were eating, my principal told me how the first part of our school's name means 'God,' and the second part means 'to have a good time.' So, I teach at God is Having a Good Time Middle School.


This morning, Mr. Shin brought me saltines, rice cakes and a cup of coffee. I couldn't tell if this was for Chuseok or because he thought I might have a hangover.

College Land

Thanks to rowing, I was on a different time schedule in college. Even after I stopped, I still woke up early every morning. Since everyone else in college stayed up until 3 a.m. and woke up at 11, I often left out of synch.

But, I thought, once we're out in the real world, I won't have to adjust.

Ironically, the entire country of Korea is on college time. The drinking culture here (which is 7 days a week until at least 1 a.m., if the bar downstairs from me is anything to go off of) fosters going to sleep late and waking up late. I understand now why Korea is know as the 'land of the morning calm.'

I tried to buy some milk before work a few days ago but the only things open before 9 a.m. are tiny mini-marts full of Pocky and instant meals. Bakery employees give me odd looks when I come to peruse their empty shelves at 7. Dunkin' Donuts doesn't even open until 8.

I can see why so many new college graduates enjoy Korea - it's a very gentle transition into the real world. The post-baccalaureate program of Korea. I could have the college experience I missed out on during college. Should I be getting on board with late nights and alcoholism?

My First Week and Dental Hygiene

I'm very excited because I bought a travel toothbrush today. All of the other teachers go to the bathroom to brush their teeth after lunch and I've felt very left out until now. I don't think Koreans are really into dental hygiene. It has more to do with the fact that kimchi is a smell that sticks with you.

If my cafeteria is anything to go off of, a traditional Korean meal consists of rice, often mixed with other grains, soup, some kind of vegetable and a curry-like dish. I got excited yesterday because, in addition to the above, they had some kind of fried oblong food. With ketchup! So, I took a big bite only to realize it was a deep-fried and breaded hot dog. Boo.

Why do Koreans love hot dogs so much? They treat them as the 4th meat after beef, pork and chicken. In addition to serving them the traditional American way, they slice them up and sautee them with vegetables or throw them into soups. I like to be adventurous and try new foods, but that's just a bad surprise.

For my ice breaker activity I am having all my classes make name cards. I told my first class 'write your name' and ended up with a bunch of name cards written in hangul. So, for the next class I said 'write your name in English' and half of the name cards had actual English names like 'Frank' and 'Jennifer.' The idea of giving them English names has always weirded me out - it seems vaguely imperialistic and culturocentric. So, I told my advanced 1st year class ''write the name you want me to call you in class.' I got 'Bush,' 'Obama,' 'Smart Boy,' and 'Asshole.'
I should have just made a slideshow.

First Day of Teaching

Today was my first day of actual teaching. And it wasn't that bad! By the fourth time of giving exactly the same lesson, it's pretty easy to just glide though.

My principal approached me today and offered to take me out to lunch for bulgogi sometime. He told me I should eat a lot so I don't become ill. In general, Koreans seem to want to shove as much food down my throat as possible. But, who can really complain about extra packages of cookies?

I haven't had the chance to take photos of my school or my neighborhood, so here's a photo of a three-story Dunkin' Donuts.

Stereotypes

I lied, I'm not posting photos of my apartment yet. I still haven't finished unpacking after 4 days.

My co-teacher told me yesterday as we were driving to get me registered at the immigration office that I am 'very like an American. And very not.' I look like a stereotypical American - blonde, tall, blue eyes - but I act very polite and dress conservatively. Hah. I will take that as a compliment, since I agree with her about a lot of Americans.

The view of Americans here makes me a little distressed, though. I think the combination of media and the fact that 33.3% of Americans that come here are total weirdos gives Koreans a very skewed view of the United States.

On an unrelated side note, today at lunch I had Ojingeochae Bokkeum, stir-fried dried squid. So good!
(photo courtesy of My Korean Kitchen)

Jeongju Fieldtrip

Last Sunday, our orientation class went to Jeongju, a city two and a half hours south of Seoul. There is a hanok (a traditional Korean village) built there. To go with the traditional Korean village we had a traditional Korean lunch.

This is bibimbap, which means vegetables and rice. All the other little plates are side dishes you can add into your bibimbap.

As you can see, Eric was very excited about lunch.

Afterward, we played on the nolttwigi, which is sort of like a seesaw except the object it to hurtle your partner into the air when you jump on your end. Eric and I tried to play but we were not very good. Two old Korean men tried to demonstrate for us, but they really just highlighted our suckiness. I'm posting a video from Youtube below to give you a better idea of the game.

Nolttwigi Demonstration

Shit man, I'm 23

It was my birthday yesterday so we went out for drinks at an 'ice house.' These bars have cupholders in their tables that keep your beer cool. It was very exciting! I was so excited I kept refilling my glass so I could see it get cool again.

Afterward, we decided to go to a norebang - a bunch of private karaoke rooms people can rent out. I don't really remember it but I have a lot of pictures (like the one above), so it was probably really fun.

On the way home, we found out that Eric really likes Lord of the Rings.

I Have Arrived

I arrived in Seoul last night and have now been here for a full day. The other SMOE teachers and myself are being put up in dorms at the National Institute for International Education. Given that I'm still living out of a duffel bag, it hasn't really sunken in that I've committed myself to living in Seoul for a year.

What I am most surprised by is how foreign Seoul doesn't feel. It seems pretty much like any big city - lots of people, traffic, loud noises and restaurants.

Except one thing.

In America, we tend to associate the 'clean bathroom' smell with pine or lemon scent. I never questioned those smells being completely normal as indicators of cleanliness. However, it seems that most Koreans associate a clean bathroom with smelling like mothballs. It's odd to walk into a dormitory bathroom and suddenly feel like I'm at my grandparents' house.