Thursday, August 12, 2010

Koreans Keep It Real

Koreans believe in Real Talk.

Let me explain. No, wait, first, I should define Real Talk.



Or, as many know it from the Chapelle Show, "Keepin' It Real."

Chappelle's Show
When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong - Brenda Johnson
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story


Now, let me explain.

This week in summer camp, I've been teaching a class about describing appearances. I have a powerpoint slide devoted to "things you should not tell your friends." 

Because in Korea, you can tell friends things like "you're hair looks bad today," or "you look fatter recently." In fact, this is considered a sign of closeness - you are being a good friend to inform your friend of these things.

It seems like, in Korea, everything is out there to be commented on. If you're ugly, fat, stupid, whatever, you know it  from a young age. Of course, this applies to positive attributes as well. For instance, I asked a girl to introduce herself for her speaking test. She said "My name is Seo-Young, I am in first grade and I am very pretty." 

I have yet to decide what I think of this cultural difference. On the one hand, it's sort of sad to watch girls and boys define themselves as ugly or pretty from a young age and act accordingly. (Most of the pretty girls are more interested in boys than schoolwork - then again, perhaps that's not so different from middle schoolers at home). On the other hand, maybe a little more Real Talk about weight in the U.S. would be a Good Thing.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

BAD MOOD


Recently, I have been in a Bad Mood.


This is how I feel.
Even "Brett You Got it Going On" failed to make me feel better. I could blame my lack of blog updates on this but actually, I just ran out of opinions. I'm working on this.

Luckily, the internet being what it is, I know I am not alone in my feelings of rage.


And a helpful link to send to anyone responsible for your bad mood!
(How much do I love that the url of this site is "amish rake fight"?

This much:

Sorry, I have a weakness for tasteless jokes. )

Friday, July 9, 2010

What Does it Mean?

Woah. Just Woah.


Thanks for the link, Andrew.

I wish I felt this strongly about...anything.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Book Impressions - July

Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?

- Jack Handy

Hence, I am calling this 'Book Impressions' instead of 'Book Reviews.' Also, because 'reviews' sounds too serious for my uninformed drabble about books I've read.


After Dark
Haruki Murakami

First, a Zen proverb - "If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are."

After reading a few Murakami novels, it seems to me that this is his guiding philosophy. The story is interesting but don't expect to be elucidated by the end.

The novel follows 19 -year-old Mari's night in Tokyo after missing the last train home. It is also about her beautiful, model sister, Eri, who is sleeping at home. It's also about a Chinese prostitute and a guy who beats her up and steals her clothes.

You can tell Murakami owned a jazz bar. All of his writing is so moody and atmospheric. Also, it tends to be a good primer for jazz and classical music.
Northanger Abbey
Jane Austen

I really enjoy Jane Austen and Pride & Prejudice is one of my favorite novels. In fact, in my family we used to watch the six-hour BBC mini-series every holiday season.

But, Real Talk here for a second, I feel a little gyped by this book. The characters are likable, the plot is pretty decent, Austen is witty as always. But, this 200-page novel concludes in about two pages, and involved a deus ex machina to boot. This annoys me. I mean, really, Jane Austen? I know it's supposed to be a satire of the gothic romance genre but you involved me emotionally. That's no way to treat a reader.

That said, it was delightful until said last two pages. The tone was a bit more satirical and immature than Austen's other stories. Definitely, light reading - there are few heavy themes, symbols or leit-motifs to puzzle over, which is a bit nice after Murakami.


For Whom the Bell Tolls
Ernest Hemingway

I get the feeling most people read this book for a class in high school or college. It's stereotypical Hemingway - super manly and all about war. Though war stories are not usually My Thing, I enjoyed this a lot.


It also made me feel really ignorant about the Spanish Civil War. Luckily, that's what wikipedia is for. Jeez, why does anyone bother going to college anymore?

College is just a place where white folks go to get read to by other white folks. I can read to myself - Tara, "True Blood"

(Just ignore my college degree right now.)

But, dude, can we talk for a minute about Hemingway's Issues? His main character spends half the book in inner monologue about his father and how much he doesn't respect him and thinks he was a weak, cowardly person for committing suicide. But, Hemingway himself committed suicide (granted, by shooting himself in the head with a shotgun, which is one of the more ballsy ways a person can do such a thing).

But, what can you do when dementia runs in your family? Actually, I hear it runs in mine. Now, if only such things guaranteed literary success.

Monday, July 5, 2010

The Pursuit of Happiness

Recently, I've been giving a lot thought to what I'd like to do in the future.

Actually, that's a lie. Mostly, I've been zoning out, studying Korean and watching trashy TV. But I did end up talking to a guy in a bar here who got hired with Nielsen Consulting. Maybe I should try to do something like that.

In honor of deliberating over future plans...



Man, Kid Cudi is so good.

Friday, July 2, 2010

I'm Not Self-Centered. Just Look!


This is Darino.

He is my friend. He even reads my blog! But, he pointed out something really important. All I ever do on my blog is talk about myself and what I think and do.

So, today, I'd like to tell you all about my good friend, Darino!

He comes from a magical land called Las Vegas. It is very shiny and full of beautiful, naked women. He likes talking about political issues and getting hideously injured in third-world countries.

He also likes eating ice cream (with me!).

This is pretty much what I'm thinking all the time.


We have lots of fun together, doing lots of things in Korea.

Like exercising!
The restaurant was around the corner, FYI.


And going out!


When Darino is not hanging out with me, he does lots of Serious, Important Things. Like,
  • listening to NPR
  • Scaring Korean children
  • buying furniture for other people on Gmarket

So, here's to you, Darino. Friends! Yay! picturesofpuppiesandmeadows!!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Haruki Murakami OMG You're So Awesome

I have a life crush on Haruki Murakami.


He's living the kind of life that I secretly aspire to - incredibly random and literary. He is acknowledged as one of the greatest living novelists of our time and he didn't even begin writing seriously until he was 29.

Admittedly, I enjoy learning these kinds of facts because it counters my feelings of premature failure, knowing that T.S. Eliot had already written The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by age 22. In my spiral of post-college (but pre-'career') doubt, it's heartening to hear that there isn't some set timeline or progression for being successful. 

And, besides that, Murakami is also a marathon runner and triathlete! Yeah, I pretty much want to be him.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Gutting. Just Gutting.

Unfortunately, all three teams I was following for the World Cup got knocked out over the weekend. Apparently, I don't love winners like I should.

Oh well. Here's a random photo.


Friday, June 25, 2010

Rooney

I have it on good authority from an actual British person that Wayne Rooney (of England's World Cup team) will eat your face off.

Go America/England/Korea this weekend! I'm so excited for the second round of World Cup.

Fridays are so great. I love them. I could marry them. (And think, then you'd wake up every morning to Friday. I could live with that. No, actually, I'd probably cheat on it with Saturday but let's not get into that one.)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Useful Korean


I got into a conversation with friends recently about Korean insults. So, after some digging, here's what I found.

Obviously, Koreans have all the normal insults...

Bastard!
호로 새끼!

Bitch!
개 같은 년!

You motherfucker!
니미 씹할 놈!

Shut up!
입 닥쳐!

Fuck / Damn!
씨발!

What are you staring at?
뭘 쳐다 봐?


And then they have some more interesting ones...

You're a dirty man/woman.
더러운 새끼 / 년

Why don't you go somewhere and die!
어디 가서 뒈져 버려!

Go home and masturbate!
집에 가서 딸딸이나 쳐!

I'll kick your penis! (used like "Fuck off!")
좆까!

You look like a penis!
좆 같은 놈! (to a man)
좆 같은 년! (to a woman)

Go drink your mother's breast milk and then come back!
가서 엄마 젖이나 더 먹고 와!


It's exciting to look this up, as reading over them, I can understand most of them. Yeah, Korean classes are paying off!


And to balance out the swear words, here are some things to say to people when you really like them...

You have a beautiful body.
넌 몸매가 예뻐.

Do you wanna sleep with me?
나랑 자고 싶어?

Take your clothes off!
옷 벗어 봐!

Touch me!
나 만져 줘!

If you don't wear a condom, I won't do it!
콘돔 안 쓰면, 안 할꺼야!

I'm coming, I'm coming!
나온다, 나온다! (for men)
오를 거 같애! (for women)

I came.
나 쌌어. (for men.)
나 올랐어. (for women.)

I have a girlfriend/boyfriend.
나 여자친구 / 남자친구 있어.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

FIGHTING!!

For the next two weeks, I'm giving speaking tests in my classes. So, basically, I have one-on-one short conversations with students.

While some surprise me with their conversational ability ("Wait, you lived in Canada for 3 years? And you never thought to speak up the past 4 months??"), others... fall below expectations.

For instance, one conversation I had with a student:

Me: I get bad grades. What should I do?

Student: ...
Student: ...
Student: FIGHTING!!"

I should explain here that this student did not mean, 'fight someone!' or 'bad grades make me so angry, let's fight!'

"Fighting!" is a Konglish word that means "You can do it!" or "chin up!" It's everywhere.

Like on this mug I bought at Daiso.

For those rough mornings.

Of this World Cup Shirt from Babo.

The t-shirt says "Pa-i-ting" which is the closest you can get to "Fighting" in hangul.

In fact, 'fighting!' is such a popular phrase, it's even frequently used by foreigners here. For example, this facebook conversation:
Brooke wrote: 
Hope your face isn't still paralyzed from that Moroccan sandwich. Sorry, friend.

Kara wrote:
no worries I have made a full recovery! Even my eyebrow is back to normal. It was touch and go there for a while, but I made it through. FIGHTING!

So, FIGHTING! students! Do your best!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Soccer Fans!

The past weekend was a little crazy, what with the World Cup on. I've never been a big soccer fan before but, to quote Seinfeld, "I enjoy any sporting event where nations get involved."



I like the egalitarian nature of soccer, though. Watching the Winter Olympics opening ceremony, it's a little depressing to notice the huge disparity between the nations' sports programs - a gap usually based in wealth. Especially in the winter olympics, many sports are impossible to be competitive in without significant financial backing. Though we think of the Olympics as this great opportunity for countries to compete, there isn't actually much  equal footing.

Soccer, on the other hand, has always had little financial barrier to entry. Granted, I'm sure at the international level, soccer teams are pretty monetarily well-supported, but it's still heartening to see that Paraguay and Honduras are among the qualifying 32 teams and America is still kind of sucking it up.


On Friday, I went out with some South African friends to watch the opening ceremony and the opening game, South Africa vs. Mexico. Since South Africa is hosting and they are also the first African country ever to host a World Cup, my South African friends are pretty excited. To promote the games, South Africa has produced some pretty cool pop songs in collaboration with American artists, actually. My favorite is Shakira's cover of "Waka Waka."


I'm curious if this is popular in the U.S. considering that the World Cup itself usually seems to pass by without much notice.
Anyway, soccer is a big deal in Korea too, even if South Korea's prospects look grim. There's even an official song for the World Cup by the very popular 13-member Korean boy band, Super Junior, called "Victory Korea."

Daehan Minguk = "Republic of Korea" 

I think it's hilarious that most of this video was filmed in Paju English Village, the fakest place in Korea. I hope they weren't trying to make people think that this is what Korea looks like.

Saturday was the South Korea vs. Greece game. Even though it was pouring rain, some friends and I made it out to City Hall to watch the game.

Yay, ponchos!

It was pretty exciting to be out there watching as Korea beat Greece 2-0. 

Afterward, we took a cab over to Itaewon to watch the US vs. England match at 3:30 A.M. Unfortunately, I couldn't quite stay up for it. I ended up sleeping through three-fourths of the game, including the kick off and a bar fight. Fail.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Eye Examinations

I've been seeing black flecks in my eyes for a few weeks so  went to get it checked out between classes on Wednesday. The doctors did all the basic eye exam stuff (or what I assume is the basic eye exam stuff - this was my first). Then, they put some anesthetic eye drops in my eyes so they could look at my retinas. Looking at the retina involves putting a concave magnifying scope directly on the eyeball.

So, this Korean doctor was trying to poke my eye with a Q-tip as she was explaining this to me. To put on the lens, I assume, but I was a little freaked out all the same. She finally pulled back and asked if I was okay, because I wasn't keeping my head still. 

"I feel kind of funny," I said. 

"Dizzy?" she asked.

"I dunno," I said, fighting to keep my eyes open. "Just kinda funny."

I woke up an indefinite amount of time later to this:

It was a little distressing.

As I lay in a puddle of my own icy sweat, the medical staff asked me lots of questions that I didn't know how to answer. 


"You have family here?" Um.
"Who can you call?" I don't know. 
"Do you have friend?" Um wat? 
"They need to pick you up. You have friend to pick you up?" No... 
"Who will you call?"

AH OMG I DUNNOOOOO 

;_;


Long story short, I did eventually get home. My co-teacher said this probably all happened because I do not have proper nutrition since I've stopped eating in the school cafeteria.

Oh, and they said my eyes are fine.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Gay Men and Those Who Love Them

This post is dedicated to Darino. Dude, STFU :P


While perusing Best of Craigslist a while back, I came across this ad:

This, in particular, caught my attention:
Ideal candidate would possess some or all of the following qualities:
A car
Loud annoying voice
Sympathy with a strong streak of vindictiveness
Masculinity beyond which I posses
Offers good advice while never taking her own
The need to protect her Fag from violence by str8 men (typically while beating her Fag for getting into the mess in the first place)

Overweight/Ginger/Lesbian tendencies to the front of the line.
And I thought to myself, 'crap, I fulfill more of these categories than I am comfortable with.' This is completely putting aside the fact that I seem to have made several gay friends here.

I always thought fag hag was a horrible term. Even though Will & Grace made it en vogue, it still carries negative connotations. The gist of urban dictionary's definition - fag hag is shorthand for 'looks normal, emotional fuckwittery within.'

Really, is it wrong for a straight woman like myself to enjoy hanging out with gay men? To find it refreshing to just be platonic friends with guys that don't want to get in your pants or tell you about their ball sweat? Does this indicate some inner disfunctionality of mine?  Am I doomed to prefer the company of men who can never find me sexually attractive??

But they are so fun! :\

I'm going to go listen to 'Bret, You Got It Going On' and be vaguely anxious.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Life is Rough. Have the Right Playlist.

June can be a difficult month for public school teachers whose contracts end in August. With the end in sight, yet still a few months off, it can be difficult to cope with certain work situations and relationships.

I've been extremely lucky with my work situation but I know several friends that are getting a little down as the month drags on. One fellow SMOE teacher I know is having a nightmare situation right now.

So, I'd like to share what I do when things get rough in my life.

For...
...When you are sad.
(Oh no! Don't be sad.)

Your beard is good. Just a compliment for you…your beard. Just a compliment about your beard…being good.
Seriously, though, why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?


...When you are mad as hell.

I WILL END YOU!!!


...When you are lacking inspiration.

Saul Williams knows what fucking awesome means.


...When you are feeling rejected.

A friend said of this video, "I feel like there isn't anyone in her life that doesn't (or isn't forced to) love Beyonce."
And this is why I love Beyonce.
Don't take that shit. Wear vintage lingerie. Look pretty crying. Force people to love you. --> SUCCESS


...When you feel like watching other people be outraged for you.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
10 F#@king Years - Even Stevphen
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party
Steve, that's a stupid thing to say and you're a stupid person for saying it.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

I Almost Died. Seriously.

I went river rafting with some friends in Gangwon-do over the weekend. Gangwon-do is a really beautiful area about two hours to the east of Seoul. We stayed at a pension next to the Naerim River.

This was the view from our balcony. See? Motherfucking beautiful, right?

Here's my boat setting out.

What's wrong with me?

Don't we look like winners? Sadly, it didn't quite end in success for us.
Our guide told us the water is crazy after rains. Definitely there was some craziness going on. Whether it was the river or him, I am unsure. Regardless, we ended up standing on a rock in the middle of a bunch of rapids as our raft filled with water and sank/floated away. No one thought to take a photo, so here is my own rendition of it.

I saved Mark but Darino was lost downstream.

After watching our guide futilely untangle a rope for a while, we came to the conclusion that he was probably not going to rescue us. So, remember, if similar circumstances befall you, lie on your back, facing downstream as if you were being crucified - the Jesus position. Don't pray, though, as closing your eyes will make it more difficult to avoid large rocks. 

Luckily, we all made it to safety without major injury. It was actually pretty exciting! The second time around was sort of annoying, though.

As I was discussing with the other Americans in the boat, I was surprised by how dangerous the rafting was. I mean, we never had to sign release waivers. The British and Canadians with us listened in semi-disgust.

Afterward, we had dinner outside our pension. Here are some Korean men cooking our samgyeopsal on a homemade grill.

Awesome. 

Such a traumatic episode forces us to confront our own terrifying fragility. It makes one stop and think about the important things in life, why we're living the lives we are and making the choices we've made. It's heavy stuff.

Contemplating life and other complex, worrying issues.

Luckily, soju is a complete mind eraser.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

On Being a Wineo

Kara, Orla and Bobbie with wine.
For a while now, my friends and I have been on and off regulars at a Saturday evening wine buffet in Gangnam. For 23,000 won, you can drink unlimited glasses of wine or champagne from 6 P.M. to 9 P.M. There's also an offering of tasty hors d'oeuvres (including real cheese, which I'm told is a big draw, if you like that sort of thing).

The key to a successful experience at wine buffet is to create a 'wine bank' before 8:45 when the wine starts going away. If you are unsure what the word 'success' means as applied to a wine buffet, here is a visual example:

Exhibit A: Wine Bank

Afterward, we tottered over to Hongdae to go clubbing. There are many wonderful and horrible things in Hongdae. Like dance clubs! And also, dance clubs. Remember to fortify yourself properly. Although very few of the clubs and bars sell soju (the cost to alcohol content ratio makes it unprofitable to serve), the local Buy the Way is well-stocked.

Exhibit B: Soju Warriors (Sorry Deryk and Michael)

I warn you, things degenerate rapidly where soju is involved.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

EverLand Oh God!

It was Election Day today, which means no work! Not even Presidental elections, actually. But hey, whatever, I celebrate democracy. No school Yay!

So, in honor of democracy, I went to Everland with some friends. Everland is basically like Lotteworld but bigger and better and slightly farther away (it's around a 30 minute bus ride from Gangnam Station). Although, Everland seems a little less Disney-esque to me. And they have the biggest wooden roller coaster in the world! 


Here's some of the employees dancing at the Amazon ride. It was strange but they seemed happy.

Crazy British lady.

My friend, Bobbie, seemed quite happy as well. Something about Everland just seems to make everyone feel like dancing. 

Everyone except me. I always get so excited for amusement parks. Then, I get there and remember that I hate crowds so, so much, it makes me want to punch someone.

Luckily, I've developed coping mechanisms for such things.

I eat dip 'n' dots. (They're the ice cream of the future.)

Or, I try on ridiculous accessories.

 Rawr. But seriously, I will tear your face off.
 
Man, why didn't I buy it all? They had slippers, too!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Weekend in Samcheok

I went to Samcheok on the eastern coast of Korea over the weekend with some friends. It was very green and beautiful with all the spring rain.

Mark never smiles.

Samcheok (read about it here) is known for two things - beautiful caves and penis park. For some reason, I find this very appropriate. Titter titter.

Deryk, Graham and I (right to left) hiking!

The caves were very big. And very dark. So much so that I didn't really get many decent photos. Though, I did snap this one:

The Bridge of Confessions

We walked over the Bridge of Confessions after first crossing the Bridge of Love and trekking past a heart-shaped rock formation in the Valley of Hell. Will I sound jaded if I say it seems like the people who named these things were trying to offer some sort of commentary on relationships?

After a day of hiking and caving, we went out for dinner and drinks. There was much drinking of soju. I also learned that the novel I'm currently reading, about the Spanish Revolution, is not going to end well. I probably should have been tipped off by the inscription in the beginning - Do not ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee (500 won to you if you can guess the book title).


We found an "American Bar" which means it has a kitsch jumble of Americana and still serves soju. All riiight. Just don't talk to any drunk Irishmen. They may seem amicable, but they will insult you, lecture you about the newfound necessity of the appendix and then take your shot without even asking. You've been fairly warned.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Don't Use Your Cell Phone, Don't be a Slut


The 3rd graders (8th graders in America) at my school have done an art project and now all their posters are hanging up around the school. It's pretty cute, though I feel a little bad that, of all the things the art teacher could have given them to make paintings of, she chose school rules.

However, this was very educational for me! Until this point, I wasn't really sure what the school rules were. Now, I can give you well-informed guesses!
 
Don't look like some foreign ho?
Actually, it says "we are students." I assume this means, given that we are students, don't dye or perm your hair, wear contacts or make-up. Because we are here to learn, so you don't need to look good doing it?


Don't be a bitch?
But, seriously, don't be.


Don't watch people dying on your computer?
The text in the center picture means "today, how many people?" I get the sense that some students did not follow the exact guidelines of the assignment. Good on them.


Don't be fat?
No, I'm just playin'. It actually says "wear your name tag!"


Have self esteem?
Actually, I think this is pretty much what is says. The best translation I could do was "Do you like what you see? Your appearance." I'm not sure how this is a school rule, though...


????????
The text translates to "Would the pretty princess still have been admitted?" I feel I am losing something in translation. Or, this student has made an interesting social commentary about beauty and the false equality of the Korean school system.

But, the point is, my students are adorable. Except Tuesday 5th period. I will break your recorders ON you next time you play in my class.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Lotus Lantern Festival


May 21st in Korea is 부차님오신날 ("buchanim oshinnal") or "Buddha's Birthday." To celebrate this event, the city holds a big  festival in the center of the city, the Lotus Lantern Festival, and has done so for a Long Time. The lanterns are supposed to be "symbolic offerings of the light of wisdom and compassion that dispels the dark and suffering of the world." Okay, Korea, I like it. 

The Buddhist temple was hung with so many lanterns. It was beautiful.

Now, for Adorable Things.


Normally, I think characters in full body costumes are creepy but for some reason, this is just precious. It's hard to be scared of a flower.

The Lantern Festival is quite the popular event, especially with children, it seems.

 Koreans love their cellphones. A love equal to that for their children?

I got my name written in Korean with a Buddhist precept of my choosing in Chinese calligraphy. I was debating between "Just do it" and "Meet your parents' expectations, and things will run smoothly," but I finally chose "live life as flowing water." Although I also think it's rather poor advice, it seemed so name appropriate.

Throughout the day, traditional Korean dances were performed. In my favorite one, dancers lifted two tiny, costumed, dancing children on their shoulders and paraded them around.

It was pretty adorable.

There were a lot of craft tables and since the Lantern Festival is such a big event, they had helpful English translations.

Fingering, Fingering, we can make the world together! (Hah.)

This was a pottery station. Sadly, they blocked out "fingering, fingering" later in the day. I guess someone informed them that it might have an...unintended meaning for native English speakers.

Some Buddhist monks were doing sand mandalas in the street. They were creating an image of the buddha.


A friend explained the significance - in Buddhism, the creation and then destruction of the mandalas is supposed to signify the "transitory nature of material life."

There is also a big lantern parade during the evening. Unfortunately, I was so tired from the day, I couldn't stay until the end.